did you get engaged???
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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