Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
