I wish I could teleport
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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