I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
