OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
