Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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