I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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