I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
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For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
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Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.