We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me