I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
