I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
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Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
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Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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