i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
