and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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