Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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