i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
