I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
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