i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
