ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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