i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
