Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
vagina is talking i cant
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
