Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
