I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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