i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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