Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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