we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
