false alarm. still invincible.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
