HIV tests are more positive than that guy
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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