I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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