What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
