A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I could make wine with my vomit
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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