I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
