I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
