Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So much rum. So many feels.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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