She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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