forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
