Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
