Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
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there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
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For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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