I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
