Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
