He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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