Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
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You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
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Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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