What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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