So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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