my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
