Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
i think im in europe. pls send help
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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