just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
