everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
