have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
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