Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
