oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
