1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We are all done wearing pants today
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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