I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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