Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
