I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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