theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize