I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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