another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
