The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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