rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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