last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
