Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
