I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
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Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
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His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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