i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
