i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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