i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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