I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
