A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
