If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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