Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
