Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
