Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
